Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I have been thinking a lot about purpose lately, specifically one's sense of purpose. Truthfully, my sense of purpose. I think it is obvious to most that work dominates life. This can be work in the sense of the old 9-5 or something a bit less structured. Either way, this "job" dominates not only time, but also thoughts, finances, conversation, and general sense of self. I, unfortunately, need to work in order to make a living. So, with this in mind as a college student, I threw myself into preparation and pursuit, graduated top of my class, studied abroad, engaged in multiple internships, and had a position lined up before graduation. After 3+ years, I recently left that job because on the way to work one day I couldn't stop crying. Which brings me to life today.

I was lucky enough to have been shown interest by a multi-million dollar corporation and not for one of those "work your way up it's okay I know I have to pay my dues" type jobs. I am part of the executive staff and my management and financial potential is endless. I truthfully enjoy what I do and I'm good at it, yet I stare at the clock all day keeping a tally of the hours until I can go home. On Sundays, the knot in my stomach grows because I know I have a 5-day workweek ahead of me.

I don't think it's the jobs themselves, I think it is the way they take over. Maybe I just need to be free. Or maybe I just need to be doing what I am passionate about and the sense of "job" will melt away. I thrive on the overwhelming sense of accomplishment that comes from completing a task, but I need to find a task that matters to me instead one that delivers only a paycheck. Yet, in the real world, does that ever really work out?

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